Use The Neat Tricks to Drive Your Lovers Completely Out of Their Minds!*
- Put an Altoid in your mouth. Now spit it out and stop trying to hack communication with gimmicks and props.
- Always assume your public groping is far less subtle than you think it is.
- Drive men and women and people who identify as gender neutral absolutely wild by paying attention to them and what they’re enjoying, lik
e they’re an individual you are attracted to. - Think of your partners’ genitals as genitals. They are not tennis balls, butterflies, or meat.
- Sext each other like the NSA is watching and you want to put on a fantastic show.
- Mixing food with sex can be fun. It can also cause a yeast infection. Weigh the risks.
- Trying too hard is really sexy, so make sure to devote two hours a week to memorizing and practicing complex new sexual routines.
- If you feel like your partner is losing interest or hiding things from you, skip the cyber-stalking and douse yourself Carrie-style in chocolate syrup.
- Remember that testicles, earlobes, labia, and eyelids are delicate. If you’re going to yank, bite, pull, or abuse any of these body parts with a fork, proceed with caution and talk about it first.
- There’s a difference between having sex with your partner and having sex at them. Do the first one.
* I apologize for posting this corny shit, but I’m sure someone will find it amusing or useful.